wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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