I want to stick my p in your. b.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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