I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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