You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
