Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
