I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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