when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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