Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
