I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
