i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
