hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
