Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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