Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
