you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
