And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
