Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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