The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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