ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
