Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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