Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
