note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
