Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
