he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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