I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
