I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
