my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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