I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
