i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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