Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
