Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
vagina is talking i cant
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
