you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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