you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
