this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have fence marks all over my body
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
