I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
