Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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