So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
