did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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