I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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