Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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