I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
