she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
