It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
