dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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