On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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