I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
