So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
