you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
