I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
