grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
