I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
