Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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