On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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