What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
