I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
