Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
