Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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