Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
