Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
