i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
