Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
