Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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