yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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