He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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