if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
