Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
are you so shy because you have an std?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
