My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Of course I have a pirate flag
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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