A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Holy sore nipples Batman
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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