The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
