Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
