Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
