I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
