dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
only you would photoshop your dick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
