the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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