I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
