At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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