i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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