Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
